Little By Little
by Carbyfan13
Summary: Set at the end of Kisangani. How will Carter and Abby move on with their relationship now that something unexpected has shattered her life? ((A bit of angst. Carby))
1. Complicated?

**Disclaimers: **All characters property of Michael Crichton, NBC, Wb, etc except for the patients.

**Note: **Review please! Suggestions and _constructive_ criticism are welcome, help me improve!

****

**Part 1**  
  
Carter leaned in and kissed her forehead, then sat on her bed slowly. He watched her sleep, and stroked her hair softly until he saw her eyelids fluttering. As she opened her eyes, she realized who was there; she stared at him for a long time before closing her eyes again and sitting up.  
  
"What are you doing here?" Abby asked him coldly.  
  
"Abby... I... I'm sorry" Carter said to her. He looked down, avoiding eye contact. He was too embarrassed to look at her. Abby slowly lowered her head to the side so that she was looking directly into his eyes.  
  
"What?" she asked, barely above a whisper. He looked at her.  
  
"I'm sorry... You were right, it was my fault and I..." he trailed off.  
  
"Carter, I never said it was your fault" she chuckled. "I never said that. I just asked you to stay." She looked deeply into his eyes with a pained look. Then she shook her head and got out of bed, turning on the lamp on her night desk.  
  
"What?" John asked as she put a hand to her forehead and covered her eyes, then her mouth and finally taking her hand to her neck.  
  
"It's complicated" she rubbed her eyes, blinded by the light. "It's complicated" she repeated.  
  
"What is complicated?" he asked, confusion written all over his face. She looked down at him and crossed her arms over her chest.  
  
"You're asking for forgiveness as if you were a lost child, I don't want that John. I think we just need time to collect ourselves, to get our lives back on track..."  
  
"Don't you think that being able to forgive is a step closer to getting along okay?" he asked solemnly. She sneered.  
  
"This conversation is stupid. John, it's not always forgiving what it's needed. Sometimes it's just something else. Sometimes it's just time" she threw her hands to her sides and shrugged her shoulders.  
  
"What do you mean?" he asked, standing up and putting his hands to his hips.  
  
"I mean that... I certainly could do with a spare key" Abby said, stretching her hand out at him.  
  
"What?!" he asked. "Wh... Wait, what did you just say?" he frowned. Abby just kept her hand stretched out at him, waiting. He tossed the keys at her angrily and left the apartment, slamming the door behind him.  
  
Abby slowly approached to the side of her bed where they keys layed on the floor. She leaned over and grabbed them tightly. She clenched her fists and gritted her teeth, trying hard to hold back her tears. She swallowed hard and got back into bed. She just needed to sleep.  
  
"Hey Abby, what's up?" Susan joined her during her break, the following day in the hospital.  
  
"Not much..." she mumbled. Abby grabbed a cup of coffee and offered one to Susan.  
  
"Yeah, thanks" she said. "So, not much. And what are those... things, doing in the lounge?" Susan asked, pointing at the place they'd just left. Abby came to a halt and sighed.  
  
"Just some of Carter's stuff..."  
  
"What? Why?" Susan asked, already knowing the answer. Abby looked at her mournfully. "He dumped you?" she asked. Abby shook her head.  
  
"I kicked him out."  
  
"What?! Now you're really driving me crazy. Some weeks ago, you were begging for him to stay here and praying to God that he would be safe. Now, he comes back and you kick him out?" Susan was in hysterics.  
  
"Susan, it's not what it seems... It's complicated" Abby said, shaking her head.  
  
"Well it doesn't seem easy, so don't tell me it's harder than it seems!" Susan tried to smile.  
  
"I don't want to talk about it, okay?" Abby snapped. Susan was taken aback by her reaction.  
  
"Okay... But you'll fill me in later, right?" she said as Abby started to walk away.  
  
"Yea, right..."


	2. And Maybe

**Disclaimers:** All characters property of Michael Crichton, NBC, Wb, etc except for the patients.

**Note: **Review please! Suggestions and constructive criticism are welcome, help me improve! Thanks all of you guys for the reviews :) It's always nice to know what you think!

****

**Part 2**

Abby walked tiredly down the hall, she felt sick to her stomach and had a terrible headache. She pushed the lounge doors open and stepped in, not noticing the figure of a man, crouched down against the wall, his head hanging low. She opened her locker in a rush and grabbed her keys.

"Hey" she heard a voice behind her. She turned her head and saw him, half covered by shadows. He walked forward into the light. "You leaving already?" he asked.

"Hey, Carter..." Abby said under her breath, putting her coat on, eager to go home. "Yes, why?" she asked back.

"I thought maybe I could take you home. And we could talk" he said, half heartedly smiling, hoping that she'd say yes. Abby sighed and closed her locker.

"Um..." she ran a hand through her hair. "Yeah, whatever" she agreed. There was no point in arguing, she would give in anyway, and she knew it. Carter smiled.

"Good" he said. He put his coat on as well and opened the door for her, and they left together. Susan looked at them with confusion as they walked through the doors of the ER.

They walked towards Carter's car, and once again, he opened the door for her.

"Thanks" she mumbled, and climbed inside. Carter walked to the other side and got in, letting out a long sigh.

"So..." he started the engine. He looked at Abby, but Abby didn't look back. She could feel Carter's eyes upon her face, but she pretended he wasn't there and looked down. An awkward silence fell among them, so she decided to speak.

"Um, Carter, I..." she started. But she didn't know how to continue; she stayed silent, still not looking at him. He waited, gave her some time, and then felt how frustration took over him.

"It's okay, you don't have to say anything" he said bitterly. He had expected for her to say something that would make sense, something meaningful, something that might explain how she felt and why. Maybe she would apologize, he thought, maybe she would say she needed him... But no. And now all he could feel was disappointment, and somehow, anger.

"No, Carter, I want to tell you why I... I didn't... I didn't mean to..."

"To hurt me?" he interrupted her. "You didn't mean to hurt me, that's what you were going to say? You didn't mean to kick me out of your place? You didn't mean to give me the most hideous surprise by leaving all my stuff in the lounge? And by doing that, you didn't mean to let everyone in the ER know that we were through, didn't you?" he stopped the car in front of her apartment.

"I..." Abby said. Her voice cracked.

"I see... It's okay, you know. It was bound to happen. I think maybe we didn't try hard enough" Carter continued. "And maybe" he raised his voice "maybe we were never meant to be, maybe we've been wasting time. Maybe you didn't even love me like I loved you. Like I love you now" he hollered. Abby was unresponsive, tears welling up in her eyes. She didn't know what to say, and he was anything but wrong about what he was saying. He was right about everything, except one thing. But little did he know that she did love him.

"I'm sorry" Abby said, getting out of the car and running up the stairs to her apartment. She took her keys out and got in quickly.

Outside, Carter clenched his fist and pounded it against the steering wheel, not able to understand why he had said that. He was right, but he'd hurt her. He'd hurt her enough, he didn't want it to happen again. But now it was late.

Once inside her apartment, Abby leaned against the door and covered her mouth with her hand. She was choking on her tears, trying not to cry, but she just couldn't help it. She locked the door and got into her room, tossing all her things on the floor and laying down in her bed. Could it get any worse? She cared so much about him, she wanted to be with him for the rest of her life, and she wanted to have a family with him, but she had ruined it by saying it was "complicated". It wasn't at all. Three words would have made it alright, at least in that moment. Those three words would have done half the job. The rest... It was hard, but not impossible to solve -family, friends, work, and of course, communicating- but still, it would have been easier if she'd said it.

Abby wiped a tear with her sleeve, but that didn't stop the others from falling freely. She cried until she fell asleep, still dressed, still thinking of him.

Carter got home and went directly to his room. He changed into his nightshirt and got into bed, turning the lights off. Not even ten seconds passed that he turned the lamp on again and sat up in bed. He took a quick glance at the phone, debating whether he should call her or not. No, maybe she's already asleep, he thought. But whatever, I need to talk to her... He grabbed the phone with shaky hands and dialed her number. He waited, until she answered.

"Hello?" Abby said sleepily. Nobody answered back. "Hello?" she said again. "Damnit..." Carter heard her whisper as she hung up the phone.

He hung up as well and turned the lights off again, laying his head on the pillow slowly. He felt so stupid, calling her and not saying anything... He wasn't a teenager anymore. His mind was racing, thoughts rolling over and over uncontrollably inside his head. One caught his attention.

"I'll talk to her tomorrow..."


	3. Only Because You Are

**Disclaimers: **All characters property of NBC, Michael Crichton, WB, etc. except for the patients. I do not make money with this story and no copyright infringement is intended.

**Note: **Reviews, suggestions, and _constructive _criticism are welcome. Help me improve!

Thanks everyone for your kind reviews, this is my second fic ever and it is really good to know that you enjoy it as much as I enjoy writing it. I hope you like this chapter and continue to leave warm reviews. ;)

****

**Part 3**

Carter woke up to the sound of his alarm clock screaming. He pressed the snooze button and rubbed his eyes. He got up from bed, the room was filled with the light of the sun that made it's way through the glass window.  
  
"No... Not again!" he groaned, pressing a hand against his forehead and shaking his head wildly. His alarm clock had been set thirty minutes late. Carter only had half an hour to get to work. He dashed to the bathroom and got into the shower.  
  
Five minutes later, he got out and put a towel around him. He looked at his reflection in the mirror and sighed, then continued to walk towards his room, where he opened a drawer. He threw a T-shirt over his arms and slid his pants on. Suddenly he saw the phone, lying on his bed, covered in blankets.  
  
"Abby" he whispered. "I have to talk to her" Carter said aloud, to no-one specifically. He walked down the stairs and grabbed a coffee mug, which he gulped down quickly. He took his keys from the counter and snatched his coat from the hanger before setting off to work.  
  
"Frank, is Abby already in?" Carter asked as he passed Admit.  
  
"Yea, she's been around since six" Frank nodded, not looking up from his magazine.  
  
"Um, do you know where she is?" Carter insisted. Frank looked up this time and raised an eyebrow.  
  
"Try the lounge" he answered. Carter nodded and headed towards the lounge.  
  
He opened the door slowly, trying not to be noisy. He poked his head in, and indeed, there was Abby, sleeping on the couch with an open book in her arms. Carter approached silently, his steps were so careful that it seemed like it would take him hours to reach the place he was walking to.  
  
"Abby..." he put a hand on her arm and rubbed it softly. "Abby..." he continued to whisper. She groaned and turned, but didn't wake up. Carter didn't want to wake her up, besides he wasn't really looking forward to talking to her. He wanted to, but on the other hand he knew there was going to be some arguing. So, instead of waking her, he kissed her forehead and stroked her hair lovingly. He left his coat on the chair and left.  
  
Abby awoke suddenly, feeling somewhat overwhelmed and scared.  
  
"It was a dream..." she sighed. "Just a dream" she repeated to herself. She stretched her arms in the air with a yawn and stood up from the couch. She grabbed her book and tossed her into her locker, leaving the lounge right after.  
  
"Abby! Abby!" she heard someone calling her from behind. It was Carter. She didn't turn around. "Hey Abby..." he jogged up to where she was and looked at her.  
  
"Abby! Your patient in curtain one is crashing!" Chuny announced hastily.  
  
"I'll talk to you later" Abby said quickly to Carter, dashing down the hall. She was worried for her patient, but couldn't think of anything better than that to get her out of the situation she'd been about to experience.  
  
"Okay..." Carter said, under his breath, to no-one. He watched her as she ran away, like she had done so many times, only this time it was to save somebody's life. He turned around and found himself face-to-face with Frank, who was eating doughnuts.  
  
"Want one?" he asked in a mouthful.  
  
"No thanks" Carter waved his hand dismissively. He walked up to the Admit desk and leaned over. "Jerry, when is Abby off?" he asked.  
  
"Uhhh... At 2:00" Jerry answered him.  
  
"Thank you" Carter said. He turned upon his heel and started walking, just then the phone rang and seconds later Jerry was calling his name.  
  
"Carter! Where's Abby?" he asked.  
  
"Curtain one, patient is crashing" Carter said without looking back.  
  
"Could you go get her? It's Eric." Carter stopped dead in his tracks. Eric? Was he in Chicago? And if he was, what for? The one time he had come -which Carter hoped was the last one- he'd caused more trouble than anything.  
  
"Yeah, okay..." Carter answered. "I'll tell her" he reassured as he walked towards curtain one.  
  
"Hello, Eric?" Carter said.  
  
"Who is this?" came the voice from the other side.  
  
"This is John Carter, I don't know... Do you remember me?" Carter asked.  
  
"Yeah! Yeah, how could I forget... Hello, Dr. Carter. Er, where's Abby?" Eric sounded anxious and impatient.  
  
"She's working on a patient and she can't come right now. Do you want me to tell her something?" Carter tried to be kind.  
  
"Uh, well actually, I'd rather tell her myself. It's just that... It's mom. She... She..." Eric stammered. He couldn't continue talking.  
  
"What happened to your mother? You can trust me, Eric" Carter reassured.  
  
"Yeah, well I don't know... I, I... Oh, okay" he sighed, defeated. "I'll only tell you because you're Abby's boyfriend. But you've got to tell her to come here please" he finished.  
  
"Here where?" Carter inquired. He didn't tell Eric that he and Abby had broken up, he didn't know what would happen if Eric told Abby the news. Perhaps he would make her do something she wasn't willing to do... Or who knows what, if he wasn't on his meds.  
  
"Here, Mercy Hospital. Mom was hit by a drunk driver" Eric's quivery voice revealed.  
  
"Oh... How is she?" Carter asked.  
  
"I don't know, we just got here. But it doesn't look good. I have to go, just tell Abby please" Eric begged. "She HAS to come."  
  
"Don't worry Eric, I will."


	4. Nothing Means Nothing

**Disclaimers:** All characters property of Michael Crichton, NBC, Wb, etc except for the patients.

**Note:** Review please! Suggestions and _constructive_ criticism are welcome, help me improve!

**Striker20: **Thanks for reviewing, I hope you like Abby's reaction in this chapter.

****

**Part 4**

"Abby, can we talk please?" Carter asked her.

"Um, no sorry I'm not really in the mood" Abby said, somewhat pissed.

"But Abby..."

"You hurt me too okay?" she hollered at him, rage reflecting in her eyes. She turned upon her heel and started to walk away, but Carter grabbed her by the wrist, causing her to look at him.

"Let go of me" she said through gritted teeth. "Let... Go" she warned him with a slight arching of the eyebrows, her lips twisting into a malicious smile. "Carter, I'm warning you... You don't want me to cause a scene."

Carter was then brought back from his thoughts when she said this. But the look on her face had got him wondering. Would they ever be together again? He tried to answer quickly, before Abby lost it, she sounded serious.

"Eric called" he spat. Abby's face loosened slightly and she seemed to choke on her words.

"Wh... What? When? Why didn't... Why? Why didn't anyone call me?" Abby asked, frustrated.

"Uh, well you were with a patient and I tried to get you to pick up the phone, but Lydia said that the patient was critical and couldn't wait" Carter answered her.

"That's stupid. My brother, I mean... Who knows if he'll call again! Who knows where he is right now?" she got angrier and angrier as time passed by.

"Believe me, I do know" Carter told her.

"Yeah, right" Abby retorted sarcastically.

"I swear to God."

"Did you talk to him?" Abby asked, now furrowing her brow and letting out a snort as Carter nodded. She put her hands to her hips and looked at him right in the eye. "Okay, talk" she ordered. Carter chose his words carefully.

"Your mother had come to visit with Eric. She got hit by a drunk driver in the way to County and she's at Mercy Hospital right now" he said slowly, hating every single word he was saying. He watched as Abby smiled in disbelief, then looked down and ran a hand through her hair.

"Oh my God" she said under her breath. "Oh my God. I need to get there. Was Eric okay?" she asked. "On his meds, I mean!" she specified.

"Oh, that. I... I don't really know. He said you should go. I'm not on, I can take you there" Carter said.

"I don't think that's a good idea, Carter" Abby answered.

"Come on, what are you gonna do? Take the El?" he insisted.

"Maybe I'll just ask Luka" she defended. Carter pleaded with his eyes, and like many times, Abby fell for it.

"Alright" she sighed. "But it means nothing, Carter, okay? Nothing!" Abby said, putting up a finger.

"Nothing" Carter repeated. "Now let's go" he put his hand on her back and urged her out.

"Do you need anyone to cover for you?" Abby asked.

"No, I told you, I'm not on. Half an hour still... You?" he asked back. Abby shook her head.

"I took a half shift from 6:00am to 2:00pm, and I stayed around... I'm starting again at 6:00pm, until 2:00am."

"Wow, you've been here all day?" Carter raised his eyebrows as they got to the car.

"Yep, long shift. But then when I get out I go home and I have tomorrow off" Abby said smiling.

"I see" Carter answered.

They were silent most of the time until they got to the hospital, with exception of Abby's long sigh, and Carter's "What?", to which Abby responded "Mm, nothing." When they got there, Abby entered first, followed by Carter.

"Hello, my name is Abby Lockhart" Abby told a nurse as she got to triage. "My mother is here, she got hit by a drunk driver" she continued.

"Okay, I'll look for her if you wait here, what's her name?" she asked.

"Maggie, Maggie Wyczenski" Abby answered.

"Sorry, would you spell that for me?"

"Yeah. It's W-Y-C-Z-E-N-S-K-I" Abby said.

"Okay, please take a seat and I'll be back as soon as possible" the nurse smiled and left. Carter and Abby sat next to each other and Abby spoke up to break the silence.

"Mercy. What kind of a name is that? Especially for a hospital! Death has no mercy" she joked.

"My grandmother gave the name to this hospital" Carter said with a serious look. He started laughing at the look of terror and shame on Abby's face, and when he caught his breath he continued. "Just kidding. It was just the right time to say that. But yeah you're right."

"Ha, ha, ha. That's so funny I forgot to laugh!" Abby rolled her eyes. Just then the nurse came back and they both stood up.

"Hi, please follow me" she said. Then she turned around for a second and looked at Carter. "Are you married?"

"No" Abby and Carter said in unison.

"I'm sorry, ma'am, but he can't come in if he isn't part of the family" the nurse looked at Abby and then back at Carter.

"No, actually he's my fianc" Abby said and grabbed Carter's arm tightly, smiling.

"Oh, okay. Come in please. Follow me" the nurse said.

"I don't believe you just did that" Carter whispered.

"Shut up, what did I tell you before we came here?" Abby whispered back.

"Nothing... It means nothing" Carter said with a smirk.

"Very good. You're learning fast" Abby smiled sarcastically. The nurse guided them into the ICU. When Abby saw the sign on the door she panicked. "Carter" she whispered.

"Don't worry, it'll be okay" he reassured, rubbing her back soothingly. They entered, and Abby saw Eric sitting on a chair outside a room. He ran up to her and hugged her.

"Abby!" he cried.

"Eric, calm down... Eric, Eric..." Abby hugged her brother back and stroked his hair. "Shh... Tell me what happened..."


	5. Hush, Hush, Darling

**Disclaimers: **The usual, none of the characters belong to me blah blah blah...

**Note: **Also the usual, please R&R etc etc...

**---------------------------º------------------------------**

**Part 5**

"Abby... Abby she..." Eric stammered.  
  
"She what? You can tell me, Eric" Abby encouraged him.  
  
"No!" he cried, causing Abby to be taken aback. "You won't understand!" As she looked away, preoccupied, she spotted the doctor coming out of a room.  
  
"I suppose you're Abby" he shook her hand. "I'm Dr. Levingston, I was treating your mother Maggie. Please take a seat" he gestured with his hand. Abby sat between Carter and Eric, listening.  
  
"Abby, your mother got hit by a... Oh, you know that? Right" he said as Abby motioned with her hand for him to go further. "Well, when they brought her in, her pulse ox was at 70/100. You know what that means, right?" he asked. Abby grimaced and nodded. "A glass pierced the carotid, she was already losing too much blood" Abby clasped her hand on to Carter's, digging her nails into his skin.  
  
"Shh... It's ok..." Carter whispered, rubbing her back.  
  
"We tried to get a pulse and improve her breathing, but we couldn't stop the bleeding and there was nothing we could do to save her. I'm sorry" the doctor finished. Abby felt how the tears welled up in her eyes and the continued to fall. Eric got up.  
  
"I'll be in the men's room" he announced huskily before Abby could say or do anything about it. The doctor stood up too and lowered his head as a sign of respect, and spoke.

"Call me if you need anything" he said. Then he left.  
  
Abby looked at Carter with mournful eyes, he looked back at her and opened his mouth.  
  
"I... I'm sorry, Abby, I'm so sorry" he said, shaking his head. Abby threw her arms around him, pressing her head against his chest as she cried uncontrollably. Slowly, Carter slid his arms around her small, shaking body and found himself crying silently.  
  
"Carter..." Abby sobbed.  
  
"Shh, Abby... It will be okay. You'll be okay... Shh" he comforted her.  
  
"No, Carter! She's gone now! She's gone and I..." Abby said. "And I never told her..."  
  
"Never told her what?" Carter asked her in a soft tone.  
  
"Never said that I loved her, no matter what! She was ill and all, but Carter, after all she was still my mother! And she always took care of me... Unlike dad who was never there. Not once! And mom, she took care of me and Eric, always..." Abby said in between sobs.  
  
Carter drew back just enough to look right into her eyes.  
  
"Abby, she's your mother. She knew you loved her. She did" he said. Abby looked down and started crying again. Carter put his hands on her shoulders and shook her slightly.  
  
"Hey, look at me. Look at me..." he lifted Abby's chin with two fingers. "I'll help you through this. We all will. There's Susan, and Luka, and Elizabeth, and Deb... Even Kerry can be a good person sometimes" he joked. "We all care a lot about you, Abby" Carter told her. Abby couldn't help but smile a bit.  
  
"Thank you" she whispered. Carter took her into his arms again, as she layed against him, and he gently rocked her, back and forth.  
  
Carter and Abby walked together through the doors of the ER, Abby's eyes teary and reddened. It was all silence. Everyone showed respect towards her, no-one mentioned nor asked anything. Carter had already told Weaver what had happened.  
  
Abby entered the lounge only to find the hunched figures of three people who were sitting down at the table. The three heads turned towards her as soon as she opened the door.  
  
"Abby" Susan greeted, standing up and walking over to her friend. "I just heard. I'm so sorry..." she hugged her tightly and rubbed her arm.  
  
"Hi" was all Kerry could say. Luka didn't say a word, he walked up to Abby and kissed her forehead before giving her a comforting hug and leaving the room.  
  
"I'm sorry, could you give us a minute?" Kerry said to Carter and Susan.  
  
"Sure" they said in unison. Abby and Kerry were left alone in the lounge. Finally Kerry spoke.  
  
"Abby, I'm sorry about your mother. I just wanted to let you know that you can talk to me, or any of the people here, if you need anything. We're here for you, okay?" Abby smiled slightly and nodded.  
  
"I know."  
  
"Okay. I was thinking that maybe you should take the rest of the week off. If you're willing to, of course" Kerry suggested.  
  
"Uhhh..." Abby ran a hand through her hair. "I have tomorrow off. It depends, I'll see" she said.  
  
"Okay."  
  
"Okay" Abby retorted.  
  
"So you're fine?" Weaver asked.  
  
"I'm fine, Dr. Weaver, don't worry" she reassured.  
  
As Weaver left, she flopped down on the couch and buried her face in her hands. How could someone possibly be okay after that? And she was confused about Carter. He seemed to care about her. Maybe he wanted things to mean something. Maybe he did. She did.

**---------------------------º------------------------------**

**Mrs. Rhett Butler: **Sorry to dissapoint you. But things get better in the next chapter.

**Striker20: **I know that Abby might be a little OOC sometimes but I'm trying to make it as real as possible.


	6. Sailing Away

**Disclaimers: **The usual.

**Note: **Same.... Constructive criticism welcome, ya know me.... Um I know Eric is a little OOC in this chapter but owell....

**-----------------------------------º-----------------------------------**

**Part 6**

Carter's POV  
I walk down the street looking for her, she ran out of the church before anyone could stop her, and she got me very worried. God! How much I love her... Where is she? Come on... Hey, is that her laying against that bench? Yes, that's her I think, only her hair is a bit messy and... She's crying. I approach slowly.  
  
"Abby..." I say. She doesn't answer, she just continues to sob and wipe her eyes frenetically, which is not helping. "Abby, talk to me" I insist.  
  
"What do you want me to say Carter? My mother died!" she hollered at me. I try not to frown or pull any faces, or she might get even angrier.  
  
"I'm sorry, Abby... Is there anything I can do?" I ask, fearing the answer.  
  
"Yeah, yeah actually there's something you can do. Leave me alone, maybe" she looks at me with her big brown eyes, I can see all the pain in them but I can't do anything.  
  
"I can't leave you alone" I tell her softly.  
  
"You can, it's easy. All you have to do is turn around and walk away."  
  
"Abby, I'm telling you I can't leave you alone. Not like this" I say again.  
  
"Carter... Don't make me walk away, cause I really don't want to." Tears start forming in the corner of her eyes, and they fall freely, rolling down her cheeks.  
  
"Then don't" I say while I wipe away her tears. She starts shaking and goes weak in the knees, almost falling to the ground. I catch her in the last minute as she cries into my arms, and I help her onto the bench.  
  
"I'm sorry, I'm sorry..." Abby says, all the sadness in her voice. "I'm sorry" she repeats as she puts her arms around me and continues to cry. I comfort her by rubbing her back and letting her cry.  
  
"Ok, come on. Let me take you home" I say. She lifts her head just enough to look into my eyes, and she nods. She doesn't have a choice really, how else is she going to leave in that condition?  
  
"Wait, Eric..." she says suddenly.  
  
"Oh..." I whisper. "Okay, let's go and look for him" I put a hand on her back and urge her into the church again. Just as we get there, Eric is coming out.  
  
"Abby, I'm leaving" he says without looking at her.  
  
"What? Where? Where are you gonna go, Eric?" she asks anxiously.  
  
"I don't know. Minnesotta... Oklahoma, probably..." he looks down.  
  
"Oklahoma?" Abby repeats in disbelief.  
  
"Mom liked it there" Eric retorts.  
  
"Eric, you need company. Someone that will help you with the illness..." she starts.  
  
"Abby, I'll stay on my meds. I promise."  
  
"Well, forgive me if I don't trust your judgement" Abby snorts.  
  
"I promise. For mom" Eric says suddenly. Abby doesn't respond. "I am aware of what mom and I have put you through. I don't want to ruin your life, and now that mom's not here, I have to move on. On my own..."  
  
"Eric..." she says under her breath.  
  
"You can't take care of me all your life. You have a life of your own, here. And I'm not going to cause you anymore trouble, Abby" Eric finishes.  
  
"Oh Eric..." Abby throws her arms around him and hugs him lovingly.  
  
"Good luck. I love you sis" he says, still trapped in her embrace.  
  
"I love you too" Abby answers, pulling away.  
  
"Good luck you too, Dr. Carter" he shakes my hand and starts walking away.  
  
"Call me!" Abby shouts at him. He turns around and smiles.  
  
"I will."  
  
We watch him walk to the car and flop down on the driver's seat, then start the engine and drive away.

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**striker20: **Glad that you liked it!! Keep reviewing please!

**CarterAbbyCarby:** I'm happy that you're liking the story and I hope that you like what's coming next. Please keep reviewing! ::huggles::


	7. I Need You Tonight

**Disclaimers: **the usual.

**Notes: **Also the usual... The dance we do :) Anyway... Um... Enjoy

**-----------------------------------º------------------------------------**

**Part 7**

Carter and Abby got into the car. He started the engine and they drove away from the place. It was getting cold, and the sun was going down slowly.  
  
"Thank you for this, Carter" Abby said softly. She was a bit more calm now.  
  
"Nah... It's no problem" he waved his hand dismissively and smiled.  
  
"No, I mean it. You didn't have to" she said again. Carter smiled at her and fixed his eyes on the road. Minutes later, they were at the door of her apartment.  
  
"So..." Carter said, breaking the silence. "Here we are."  
  
"Yeah. Well, I guess that's it. Thank you so much, Carter" Abby said as she got out of the car. Carter walked her up the steps outside and stopped walking as she opened the door.  
  
"Okay, call me if you need anything. You know you can call me, right?"  
  
"Yeah, thanks again" Abby sighed, smiling faintly at him. They stood there in silence, just staring at each other. "Don't you want to come in for a cup of coffee? You look pretty worn out" she stated.  
  
"No, no, you need to rest, andyou need some alone time..." he trailed off when he saw her expression.  
  
"Please, come in. I don't want to stay alone right now. Please?" Abby said, almost begging.  
  
"Alright" Carter said with a sigh. "But I won't be around much. I have to get back to the hospital in an hour."  
  
"Sure, no problem" Abby nodded. She opened the door for him and let him in. "Tea or coffee?" she asked.  
  
"Coffee, please" Carter answered. Abby went into the kitchen to get the things ready. She leaned against the counter as she waited.  
  
Meanwhile, Carter left his coat on a chair and went over to the couch, where he sat down, waiting for Abby.  
  
"You can turn on the TV, if you want" she suggested. Carter turned around to look at her and nodded, then grabbed the remote. He zapped for a while until he got to Discovery Channel.  
  
"Oh look! Look!" Carter said. "Have you ever watched this thing? It's great! They actually show you real cases inside hospitals, not like those stupid soap operas that are all about the lives of the staff, and moreover, when they do the procedures they do it all wrong!" Carter ranted.  
  
"Really?" Abby said sarcastically, giggling a bit. She walked over to Carter and sat with him on the couch, handing him the cup of coffee.  
  
"Thanks" he smiled. Abby smiled back. "So..." Carter said, switching the TV off and turning to look at Abby.  
  
"So..." she responded. They sat there in an uncomfortable silence, until Abby finally broke it. "Look, Carter, I..." she started.  
  
"Uh, I should get going" Carter said, trying to avoid the situation he knew was coming. He stood up.  
  
"No, wait!" Abby grabbed him by his arm. "Carter!"  
  
"What?" he asked.  
  
"Wait" Abby stood up along with him. "Carter, I miss you."  
  
"Uh, I... I-I dont' know... I should really get going Abby" Carter frowned, not knowing what to say.  
  
"Carter... Please. I need you to stay with me. I need you, please" Abby said softly. For a moment, Carter wanted desperately to leave, but then he got caught by her charm and his mind went blank.  
  
"Er..." Carter was speechless.  
  
He looked into her eyes, so filled with fear, and confusion, but also a sparkle of something else flickering in the back. Her hand was still on his arm as she started approaching. Their faces were so close. Abby could feel his breath against her face. Their lips brushed. In no time, Abby was kissing Carter, and he was kissing back.

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**robyn15: **Thanks for your review. Keep checking cos it gets better.

**striker20: **I don't know why you say that it sucks when people say "glad you liked it" but whatever, I won't say it if it upsets you. Thanks for reviewing anyway.


	8. Killing Me Softly

**Disclaimers: **The usual.

**Note: **The usual as well...

**---------------------------------º-------------------------**

**Part 8**

Abby put her arms around Carter's neck and deepened the kiss, causing him to stumble and fall onto the couch, where she let herself fall next to him as she continued to kiss his neck.  
  
"Abby" Carter groaned. "Abby, wait. This isn't right." He pulled back slowly and looked deeply into her big eyes.  
  
"What?" she asked, startled.  
  
"This isn't right" he repeated and sat up. "You are very vulnerable now, and I feel like I'm taking advantage. We might regret this tomorrow" Carter said.  
  
"Maybe there won't be a tomorrow" Abby retorted.  
  
"Abby, there will be a tomorrow" he said solemnly as he walked to the door and put his coat on.  
  
"Maybe there won't" she insisted.  
  
"See, Abby? This conversation is ridiculous. You need time to think."  
  
"No, I don't need it. You know what? I just noticed... You said that this wasn't right because I was vulnerable. But if I wasn't, would you still be with me?" Abby asked him, hands on hips. Carter turned around.  
  
"I really have to go" he said after a pause.  
  
"Carter, would you, or wouldn't you?" He looked at her with a sparkle in his eyes, which she couldn't find a meaning for.  
  
"I... I don't think I would" Carter said. Taking a deep breath, and looking at Abby one last time, he left. She stayed there, her hand still on the doorknob, and staring sadly into space.  
  
"Carter!" she shouted. "Carter!" But nobody answered. Abby slammed the door shut and ran a hand through her hair. "Sht" she murmured. She sat on the couch, staring at the ceiling. "He wouldn't... Ha! He wouldn't. Why, Lord, why?" Abby said loudly, throwing her hands up in the air. Tears welled up in her eyes and started rolling down her cheeks. "I can't keep doing this" she said to herself.  
  
She stood up and walked into the bathroom, where she looked around and grabbed some tablets of pills that she found. With shaky hands, she filled a glass with water and put the pills on the palm of her hand.  
  
"I guess there's no tomorrow..." she whispered, as she started taking the pills, one by one. What were they? Hm, Benadryl. But, how many? Twenty? No, eighteen. Eighteen of Benadryl and seven of Ibuprofen. She couldn't take them all, could she? No, of course not, she would die. But, wasn't it what she wanted? No... Yes, yes it was. And then again, she was afraid of dying. Still she was even more afraid of living without him.  
  
Seven, eight, nine... She was getting dizzy. Twelve, thirteen, fourteen, fifteen... Her vision was blurry and her breathing was getting heavier. Seventeen, eighteen... One, two, three.... The Ibuprofen was mixing with the Beandryl, as well as the other things she had eaten and drank that day. Four, five... Her eyelids were getting heavy. Six... Seven... And everything's black.  
  
Carter was starting his car, when he realized what he had said. Why did he say that he wouldn't be with her? He was well aware of the fact that if she wasn't feeling bad, he would have not objected kissing her. He shook his head.  
  
"John Truman Carter, you've just screwed up the last part of the relationship that was left" he said aloud, to himself. The he thought, maybe it's not too late to save it. Carter opened the door of the car and stepped out, then he stood there for a few minutes, thinking. He rushed up the stairs of her apartment and knocked on the door noisily.  
  
"Abby, it's me! Open up!" he shouted. "Abby" he kept knocking. After a few minutes rummaging in the pockets of his coat, he remembered that he had given the key back to her. But also he remembered, that most often Abby left a key under the rug at the front door.  
  
"Ha, here you are..." he said with satisfaction as he found the key. He opened the door slowly and let himself in. "Abby?" he called. "Abby...." he checked the kitchen, the living room, her room. "Abby... Oh my God Abby!" he gasped as he entered the bathroom.  
  
He rushed next to her and knelt down to check her vitals. The pulse was weak and she was not breathing at all. Her pale face, her messy hair, and her limp body against the cold floor, it was a terrible sight. Carter ran to the telephone and dialed the ER.  
  
"Susan, it's Carter. Send the paramedics to Abby's apartment. NOW!" and without explaining, he hung up. "Abby, wake up" he whispered to the lifeless body in front of him. "Hold on, Abby, hold on."

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**CarterAbbyCarby: **Again, thanks for reviewing and I hope you don't kill me for this... hehe... But it gets better, I promise! Review again!


	9. Trauma Room

**Disclaimers: **The usual.

**Note: **The usual. Also, this time many people reviewed so I'm just gonna make a general answer for you guys: tanks for your reviews, it's what really keeps me going with this story (although many of the chapters are already written) and I just hope not to dissapoint you! read and enjoy. And of course, review!

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**Part 9 **

Carter wheeled the gurney into the ER as quickly as he could.  
  
"What have we got?" Luka asked, putting on his gloves.  
  
"37 year old female, overdosed on Benadryl and Ibuprofen, pulse ox is 80 over 100, not breathing, and weak BP" the paramedic said hastily. Luka approached and stood there in shock as he realized who was on the gurney. He and Carter looked at each other with fear and horror.  
  
"Trauma 2 is open" Luka said finally, shoving his thoughts to the back of his head. "Carter, where did you find her?"  
  
"On the bathroom floor. She was cold... And she hasn't responded to pain" Carter answered, worried.  
  
"Ok, let's get a tox screen, labs, head and abdominal CT; Chuny, one litre of saline" Luka shouted out loud. "And someone get Dr. Lewis in here NOW!"  
  
Haleh sneaked out of the room to look for Susan, who she found in the lounge, pacing back and forth uneasily.  
  
"Dr. Lewis, Abby came in a few minutes ago, she's in Trauma 2" Haleh announced. Susan opened her eyes wide in surprise, and then ran out to help her colleagues.  
  
"What happened?" she squealed as she saw Abby's lifeless body lying there.  
  
"Overdose" Luka said. Without further explanation, he handed Susan a pair of gloves.  
  
"Signs drop to 80."  
  
"Haleh, bag her!" he ordered. "Susan, are you okay?" Susan looked at him fearfully.  
  
"Yeah, fine. I'll do it." Suddenly something caught their attention.  
  
"She's seizing!" Chuny screamed, trying to hold the tears.  
  
"Fck! Hold her still, 2 of Ativan and bring the intubation tray!" Susan shouted. All this time, Carter had been there holding her hand, tears streaming down his face.  
  
"Carter, it might be better if you wait outside" Luka told him, his arms on Abby's shoulders, trying to keep her body from moving. He clenched his teeth while Susan pushed the Ativan. When the seizure stopped, Luka turned around and looked at Carter. "Carter, wait outside."  
  
"No, Luka. I want to be there for her!" Carter said.  
  
"Luka, we have to intubate!" Susan urged him from behind. "Carter, John... Outside" she said softly. Carter wiped a tear with his sleeve and kissed Abby's hand, then stood up and left.  
  
"I see the chords. Tube." Susan gave the tube to Luka. "I'm in, bag her!"  
  
"Signs going up..." Everyone sighed with relief as Abby started to stabilize.  
  
"Luka! How is she?" Carter asked as soon as he came out.  
  
"Relax, Carter, she's stable" he put a hand on Carter's shoulder. "Go to the lounge and rest, you look worn out."  
  
"That's funny, I've been told that a couple of times today" Carter smiled sarcastically.  
  
"I mean it" Kovac told him.  
  
"Yeah, I know you do. But I wanna be there with her."  
  
"She's not even awake" Luka said. Just then, Susan approached them.  
  
"Hey, Carter" she smiled faintly. They stood there in an awkward silence until she stepped forward and gave him a comforting hug.  
  
"Hey Suze. Would you tell Dr. Kovac here that I want to be with Abby when she wakes up?" Carter asked her, smirking at Luka.  
  
"Okay, I'll page you when she does" Susan nodded.  
  
"No. I meant that I want to be there. Can't I go and stay with her now?" Susan looked at Luka, then fixed her eyes back on Carter.  
  
"I don't know..." she shook her head slowly, looking to the ground.  
  
"Please, please, Susan. Pleeeease..." Carter whined, falling to his knees in front of Susan, pulling a puppy face.  
  
"Is that it?" Susan asked. "Get up, Carter, go" she laughed. Carter stood up and hugged Susan tightly.  
  
"Thank you. I owe you one!" Then he dashed into the room, grabbing a stool and sitting next to Abby.  
  
She looked so awkwardly peaceful...


	10. That's All That Matters

**Disclaimers: **The usual

**Note: **Sorry that it took me so long to update, the thing is that I only got one review for the last chapter ( :( sad me) so that's why. Here you are, if anyone's reading!

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**Part 10**

Abby's POV  
  
I opened my eyes carefully and slowly, trying to see what was going on around me. It took a few minutes for me to get used to the light, but although I couldn't identify the people in the room, sure enough I recognized the silhouettes of two. They were sitting next to my bed, and I could hear them murmuring. I think they didn't realize I was awake until I coughed and gagged, becoming aware that there was a tube going down my throat.  
  
One of them, a woman, started moving around the room; while the other person, a man, grabbed my hand tightly. I blinked a couple of times and I could finally see clearly the faces of my friends, Carter and Susan. They seemed worried.  
  
As I tried to talk, I remembered about the tube, and squeezed Carter's hand in pain. He said something to Susan and she came closer. She sat down next to me again and spoke softly.  
  
"Do you want me to take the tube out?" I nodded. "Are you sure?" I nodded again. Carter sighed as Susan counted to three and I coughed, letting the tube slide out.  
  
"Hi" I whispered shyly, looking away from them.  
  
"Hi" they said back. Susan rubbed my arm.  
  
"How are you feeling?"  
  
"I've been better" I smiled faintly, still not looking at any of them. Carter was totally silent. He seemed really upset about something; I just wished it wasn't because of what I did, I was so embarrassed. Suddenly, Susan's pager went off.  
  
"Oh... Abby, I was looking forward to talking to you but there's an emergency. I guess I'll see you later. Sorry!" Susan said, heading out of the room. Before the door closed, she popped her head in. "Carter, page me if anything happens." He nodded and gave her a thumbs up.  
  
"Great" I thought. "Carter and I, alone, immersed in awkward silence until Susan comes back." But it wasn't like that.  
  
"You scared me" Carter said softly. I bit my lip and stared at the ceiling. "I mean it" he said after a pause. He weas pushing me. He wanted me to talk, and I knew it.  
  
"You shouldn't be involved in this I shook my head.  
  
"What?" he smiled in disbelief. "Shouldn't be involved? Abby, I found you lying on the bathroom floor, overdosed, not breathing, and with the weakest pulse ever possible! You were almost dead!" he said. I looked at him right in the eye for the first time.  
  
"It shouldn't bother you, you said you didn't love me." As the words escaped my mouth, I saw something changing in the look of his deep brown eyes. There was anger, sadness, fear.  
  
"Oh you're so wrong... You've never been so wrong. I never said I didn't love you, I wouldn't EVER say that cause it would be a damn lie! But I never told you whether I love you like a friend or not" Carter answered, almost yelling.  
  
"I..."  
  
"And of course it bothers me, Abby, because I care about you more than I would want to, but I can't help it. Cause you're my friend. And it makes me feel committed, although I don't know why."  
  
"Carter, I'm so sorry, I really am..." I stuttered.  
  
"No, no you're not. You'll be really sorry the day you realize how much you're hurting me! And the worst thing of all is that I can't do anything about it because even if I wanted to, I couldn't be angry at you" he said, standing up.  
  
"Come on, Carter, don't say you're not angry. That would be a lie" I told him, always talking barely above a whisper.  
  
"No, I'm not angry, I'm just glad you're okay" he said to me. With that, he left the room.  
  
I looked around with tears in my eyes and spotted my pager on the night table. I stretched my arm and, with a little effort, grabbed it and paged Susan. The tears started streaming down my cheeks and I felt my face get hot. I was feeling somewhat nauseated and dizzy. I just hoped Susan would get there soon.


	11. You're Gonna Be Just Fine

**Part 11**

Susan's POV

As I took my gloves off, just after losing a critical patient, I heard my pager go off for the fifth time in one hour. For God's sake, I'm not the Chief Resident! But this time it was actually really important. It was Abby. I instantly headed to her room, not paying attention to Haleh's screaming, telling me that I had to complete the patient's chart.

I froze when I got to the door of the room. Abby was lying there half falling from the gurney, totally pale. She'd thrown up. I rushed to her side and checked her vitals on the monitor, the beeping noise making it all even worse.

"I need a doctor over here!" I screamed. As I saw no-one was coming, I opened the door and screamed again. "Carter, Luka, someone!" The two doctors, Chuny, and Lydia turned around quickly. The four of them ran to assist me when they saw the panicked look on my face.

"Susan, what's going on?" Carter asked, getting into the room as fast as he could.

"I don't know! She paged me, and when I got here she was like this" I said anxiously.

"Don't worry, we'll get her through this one" luka said to me, starting to work on Abby along with Lydia and Chuny. Carter and I stood there, frozen. Then I was suddenly brought back to reality after the nasty sight, and I put myself to work. Carter reacted and decided to make himself useful too, but Luka didn't want him to.

"Carter, wait outside" he said.

"No, not again, Luka. I'm going to help her this time" Carter defended. He grabbed his sthetoscope and listened to Abby's breathing. "Lungs are clear... She got lucky. I think..."

"Okay, let me see" I opened Abby's mouth. "Oh God!"

"Do you need to intubate her again?" Luka asked me.

"No, just... Lydia, suction!" I ordered. "We need to do this before it's too late" I answered quickly.

"Okay."

"Do you need help?" Carter asked me, preoccupied.

"No, I just... Holy crap!" I shouted. As I put the tube inside Abby's mouth, she gagged and threw up again. "Roll her over!" I ordered. Then she started coughing and spitting, regaining consciousness unexpectedely. "Abby, blink once if you can hear me" I told her.

Her eyes were lost in space, I didn't know if she was hearing, but I let out a sigh of relief when she blinked.

"What happened? Did you eat anything today?" Luka asked.

"Blink once for yes, twice for no, Abby" I added. Her eyes fixed on Carter, then she blinked twice.

"Does your chest hurt?" Again, two blinks.

"Good" Luka said. "Let's get her some Compazine and let her rest..."

"No... Meds... Please" she begged. I stroked her hair and Luka gave me a glance.

"Susan?"

"No, that's okay. Don't give her any meds, I'll stay with her and do whatever is necessary. Now, would you give us a minute?"

"Sure" Carter and Luka nodded and exited the room, leaving Abby and I alone.

"So, I assume you talked to him" I said.

"Him?" Abby asked. I sighed loudly. How can they be so alike? Carter acted the same way the day we broke up!

"Come on, Abby..." She bit her lip and sighed too.

"Yeah, I did."

"And...?" I urged her.

"Nothing.Happened.Susan" she answered, somewhat pissed.

"Hey, okay, I'm sorry!" I said. Then there was silence. "But honey, something MUST have happened, if you talked to him!" I said hastily.

"We fought, okay? We fought! So what? Big deal, drugs, huh?" Abby told me. She was hysterical.

"Abby... Uh, you almost died. We were all really scared, he has the right to be mad" I said softly.

"He said he wasn't" she answered.

"Well, maybe..."

"He said he wasn't and I don't see why he would lie" she cut me off.

"Okay, I mean... If you trust him" I started.

"What? You don't?"

"That's not what I meant, Abs. But it's like when you say you're fine and you're actually not, if you know what I'm talking about..." Abby just stared at me in silence.

"Yeah, okay, I know what you mean. Whatever. Now would someone please tell me what's wrong with me?"

"Well, uh, you passed out and threw up, twice" I informed.

"Really?" she said sarcastically. "I know that. I mean why" Abby said.

"Well... I need to run some tests, but the first thing that comes to my head is stress. Might have caused you to pass out" I smiled.

"Good, so I'm not dying." My smile slowly turned into a big grin. "What's so funny?"

"Nothing, it's just that, it looks like you're going back to normal" I said.

"Oh" she couldn't help but smile too. "Well, thanks! And Dr. Lewis" Abby said in a mocking voice, "What is the reason for the nausea and stuff?"

"I guess your body is still battling those things you... You know" I gestured with my hands.

"Yeah, I know" she nodded. Then she yawned and threw her arms up in the air.

"I'll let you get some rest" I smiled.

"Okay, uh... Susan, thank you" Abby said.

"Anytime." Then, as I was going out, I turned around. "You're gonna be okay."


	12. Though Your Hurt Is Gone

**Disclaimers: **The usual, dadadada AND the bits in _italics_ are from a Phil Collins song. So, it doesn't belong to me )

**Note: **Carbytothecore, Kalena, Heaven is Overrated, BabyBoomBoom0029, ravenclawwitchAlejandra, striker20, Bobbyboots, thanks for your replies!!! they're much appreciated.

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**Part 12**

Susan walked out of Abby's room, a bit worried.

"Luka, call psych" she ordered. Luka stared at her with a confused look on his face. "Look, I'd ask a nurse to do it, but it's Abby, not just any patient" Susan explained.

"That's okay, I'll do it" Luka nodded. Susan thanked him and walked to the lounge, where she found Carter and Samantha Taggart, the new nurse.

"Hey there..." Susan greeted, pouring herself a cup of hot coffee.

"Hi, Dr. Lewis" Sam smiled. "Now if you excuse me, Dr. Carter, I'll just get back to work" she said respectfully before she left the room with Carter's approval. Susan eyed him questioningly.

"You and Sam?" she winked.

"I'm not in the mood" Carter warned her.

"Sorry" Susan stared blankly into her coffee.

"How's Abby?" he asked. She remained silent. Then she looked up and sighed.

"She's stable, but I had to call psych."

"Oh."

"Look, Carter, it's for her own good" Susan said, putting a hand on his shoulder.

"I... It's okay, I understand, Suze" he nodded. "I just don't know why all this is happening. I... It's all my fault. This wouldn't have happened if I hadn't..." Carter broke down into sobs.

"If you hadn't done what?"

"She asked me, if she wasn't vulnerable, if I'd be with her. I said no... I said no because I thought that she wasn't thinking straight after what happened..." Carter said. Susan put her arms around him as he cried, and rubbed his back.

"It's not your fault honey. You did the right thing, she decided to take the pills. You didn't tell her to do it, she could have backed out... It'll be okay, you'll be fine."

"Hey, Abby..." Carter said softly, walking into the lounge. Two weeks had passed since Maggie's death and Abby's suicide attempt.

"Hi" she answered quickly, avoiding eye contact.

"How are you feeling?" he asked her, slowly approaching, smiling faintly.

"Better, thanks."

"Look, Abby, um... I just wanted to tell you that, uh, I'm here if you ever need to talk, you know?" Carter said, trailing off while shyness took over him.

"Yeah, I know" she looked at him right in the eyes. "Thank you..."

_You know I never meant to see you again  
__But I only passed by as a friend... yeah  
__All this time I stayed out of sight  
__I started wondering why..._

"Carter, you know, I've been thinking about..." Abby started.

"Yes?"

"I... I was really stupid, with what I did. I guess I didn't think of the consequences, or how I could ruin my life and probably everybody else's..." she started sobbing.

_Now I, ooh now I wish it would rain down, down on me  
__Ooh yes I wish it would rain, rain down on me now  
__Ooh yes I wish it would rain down, down on me  
__Ooh yes I wish it would rain on me_

"I mean... I never, never thought that you all cared so much... I was so worried about myself and all the things that happened, that I... Oh my God... I couldn't see it!" Abby cried.

"Abby, it's okay, shh... Abby..." Carter wrapped his arms around her and held her while she cried.

"No, it's not okay... I only think about myself, can't you see? And when you said... When you said that..."

_You said you didn't need me in your life  
__Oh I guess you were right... Yeah  
__Ooh I never meant to cause you no pain  
__But it looks like I did it again, yeah_

"Oh my God, I'm so sorry... Carter I'm so sorry! I don't know why I did it, you were always there for me and, and..." she sobbed.

"It's okay Abby, let it out" Carter said in a whisper.

"You were always there, and instead of thanking you I go and try to kill myself... I'm sorry, I'm so, so sorry... Carter, John... Please forgive me" Abby said, her eyes teary and bloodshot.

_Now I, now I know I wish it would rain down, down on me  
__Ooh yes I wish it would rain, rain down on me now  
__Ooh girl I wish it would rain down, down on me  
__Ooh yes I wish it would rain on me_

"I don't know if you still hate me for it... But I feel horrible, I, I..."

_Though your hurt is gone, mines hanging on, inside  
__And I know, well it's eating me through it's eating me through  
__Every night and day  
__I'm just waiting on your sign_

_Now I, now I know I wish it would rain down, down on me  
__Oh you know I wish it would rain, rain down on me now  
__Ooh yes I wish it would rain down, down on me  
__Yes you know I wish it would rain down, rain down over me  
__Just rain down over me_

"Abby, I was never mad at you in the first place... I mean, somewhat, yes, I couldn't believe you had done it. But, you know, it was a huge sigh of relief the one I gave when they said you were alright..." Carter said. "And I'm no-one to forgive you. I don't have to forgive you for anything, I probably would have done the same if you'd said what I said."

"What?" Abby said, dropping her voice. "What?" she pulled away and looked into his deep eyes.

"You heard me. I can't imagine a moment without you, my life is worth nothing if you're not here... And I, I am nothing without you, because after all we've been through you're like this huge part of me..."

"Shut up or you'll ruin it, sap" Abby laughed and kissed him, cutting him off. Carter deepened the kiss and wrapped his arms around her waist, pulling her closer. Then he pulled away, seeming embarrassed.

"Sorry, I..." he started. Then he saw Abby's dissapointed look and sighed. "What the hell..." he cupped her face in his hands and kissed her again, suddenly realizing how much he'd missed her.

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**Feedback please!**


	13. Hopeless

**Disclaimers: **Do I still have to do this?

**Note: **This is pretty much a dull chapter but well it prepares you for the rest so it's all good. Also... The chapter that I called "I Need You Tonight" has nothing to do with the BSB song. I was just told by a friend today that there's a song called like that.  
Thanks to Bobbyboots, Love-carby, striker20, BabyBoomBoom0029 (I loved your review haha), CarterAbbyCarby, and Kalena for your wonderful reviews.

**

* * *

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**Part 13**

Abby laid her head against Carter's shoulder, asleep on the couch in the lounge. Carter was awake, just watching her sleep. She was so beautiful. He leaned in and gave her a quick peck on the lips, which caused her to wake up.

"Morning, sleepy head" he said to her. She smiled.

"How long have we been asleep?" Abby asked.

"Just about a couple of hours... But considering that we went to sleep at 6:00am, it's okay to say Morning´" Carter explained. Abby laughed a bit and kissed him.

"Oh my God!" Abby said. "Sht!"

"What?!" Carter asked, alarmed. Abby stood up and started collecting her things.

"How do I look? Is my hair okay?" she said hysterically. Carter grinned and shook his head.

"Yes, Abby, you're beautiful. What's going on?" he looked at her.

"Oh... Say that again" Abby smiled.

"Huh?"

"Just say it" Abby repeated. Carter sighed.

"You're beautiful" he waited for Abby's reaction, which was a big smile and a kiss. "Now tell me what's going on!" he said impatiently.

"Oh, that. Well, I have an appointment at 8:30" she explained, still moving around the room.

"An appointment?" Carter questioned, confused. Abby looked at him and raised her eyebrows, sighing loudly.

"Therapy."

"Oh. Right. Well, my shift doesn't start until 9, can I take you there?" he suggested sheepishly.

"I'd love that" Abby agreed, much to Carter's surprise. He thought she'd prefer to take the El. Carter smiled and stood up, putting his coat on. As he bent down to grab his keys, Abby pinched his butt.

"Hey! What was that for?" he got her from behind and put his arms around her waist. "Try not to do that, or thre'll be consequences" he said seductively.

"Oh, really? Like what?" Abby joked.

"Don't let your imagination run away with you" he kissed her neck.

"I've heard that before" Abby giggled, turning to look at him.

"Oh. Yeah, I know what you're thinking" he grinned.

"Come on, let's go or we'll never make it" Abby said. Carter followed her out of the lounge and they bumped into Chuny.

"You guys are so cute" she smiled and walked away. Carter and Abby shared a confused glance and walked towards Admit, where Frank turned and stared at them intently.

"What?" they asked simultaneously.

"So you're back together" Frank said nonchalantly. Abby looked at Carter, then turned around and spoke to anyone who was willing to listen.

"You people are hopeless! Don't you have _anything_ better to do?" she said, throwing her arms up in the air. Carter laughed.

"Let's go" he said, still chuckling, and putting a hand on her back so as to lead her outside. As the doors closed behind them, Susan could hear Abby screaming back.

"You're hopeless!" and then Carter's laughter and a "Shh, just let them talk."

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**Soooo... Feedback please??**


	14. Make You Mine

**Disclaimers: **The usual…

**Note: **Thanks for so many comments, again, and I'm sorry I couldn't post earlier. I was on vacations for a month and when I came back my computer crashed so I had to search everywhere for the documents! It was hell! But here I am again, thankfully the last chapter didn't have a cliff-hanger. Hope you enjoy it!

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**Part 14**

Carter drove his car down the road, concentrated on what he was doing. Abby, on the other hand, was thinking of him, but her eyes were stuck on the road. She was thinking about how glad she was that they were finally together. She felt safe, and most important of all, she felt loved.

Abby stirred a bit. The silence was making her uncomfortable, so she leaned over and turned on the radio. Violins could be heard in the distance, while the piano sounded louder and in a less harmonic way.

"Do you actually listen to this" Abby asked him, laughing.

"I do" Carter smiled sheepishly, not looking at her.

"Oh my God" Abby laughed again. She switched the station with a giggle.

"No! What are you doing" Carter asked as the voice of Kurt Cobain filled the air.

"I'm listening to music" Abby said with her well-known "isn't it obvious" tone.

"Music" Carter frowned, switching the station to the one they were listening before. "This is music" he said, emphasizing the word "this".

"Are you kidding me" Abby said, and switched again. "And I forget just why I taste, oh yeah I guess it makes me smile..." she sang.

"Hell no..." Carter smiled and pressed the switch button. Abby frowned and switched. And so on, and so forth for a couple of minutes, until it got stuck on a station none of them actually liked.

"Fck" Abby said. "It's stuck. Look what you made me do" she said angrily. Carter looked at her and opened his eyes wide.

"What" he asked in disbelief. "Are you listening to what you're say..." he trailed off as Abby put a finger over her lips.

"Shhh..." she hushed him. He stopped talking and listened to the song playing.

_Wandering, waiting for the day to fade away_

_So I can hold you_

_Once again and chase the fears away_

_Lie with me_

_Show me how you feel_

_I'm falling for you deeper everyday_

"What is this" Abby asked. The man on the radio answered her question.

"And this is The Corrs with Make You Mine, ranking 1st in our top five, fourth week in a row" the guy announced.

"Woah. Fourth week" Abby said. Carter nodded and kept listening.

_But when the night turns over_

_I'll lie with you_

_When the morning wakes you_

_I'm there by you_

_When the daylight takes you_

_I'll miss you_

_'Til you come back home to me_

_When I can make you mine, oh mine ... oh yeah_

Carter parked the jeep in front of a vast building. On the door, there was a plaque with the words: Chicago Psychology and Psychiatry Centre. Carter got out of the jeep and walked Abby to the door.

"Okay, here you are" he said.

"Yeah, Thanks a lot Carter" Abby stood tall and gave him a quick soft kiss, which he returned.

"Thanks for what" he asked innocently.

"For being here" she answered. "Bye." When she was about to go inside, she heard his voice again.

"Hey, I get off at 7, let's have dinner." Abby turned and smiled widely.

"Sure, I'll pick ya' up."

Carter smiled to himself as he got into his jeep, already missing her as he drove to County for a long day of work.

Abby walked into the building and approached the secretary.

"Abby Lockhart, I'm here for an appointment with Dr. Miller" she said slowly. The woman nodded.

"I'll tell her you're here. Sit over there please" she pointed to some chairs next to the main door.

"Thanks" Abby told her. As she sat, waiting, she remembered Carter's words. I get off at 7, let's have dinner.´ It seemed like he really wanted to be with her. She smiled, missing him too.

_Wanting you_

_Every waking moment I'm on fire_

_Always needing you_

_I'm aching for you only, I'll never tire_

_Promise me_

_This is how we'll be_

_I'm falling deeper everyday_

_But when the night turns over_

_I lie with you_

_When the morning wakes you_

_I'm there by you_

_When the daylight takes you_

_I'll miss you_

_'Til you come back home to me_

_When you come back home to me_

"Miss Lockhart, you can go in already. Dr. Miller moved office, it's on the third floor, go along the corridor and it's the last door to the right" the secretary informed her.

"Okay, thank you" Abby smiled and stood up. She walked towards the elevator and pressed the button. A red light surrounded the number 3. Abby looked at herself in the mirror while she waited. A while later, the doors opened on the third floor.

Abby got out and started walking. She got to the last door on the right. The plaque said: Dr. Celine Miller, Psychologist. Abby knocked on the door with confidence.

"Come in, please" she heard the doctor's familiar voice. As she got in, she noticed the obvious change in the office. This one was bigger and had some plants in the corners; lots of pictures and drawings hung from the walls.

"Hello, Dr. Miller" Abby greeted with a smile.

"Hi, Abby, it's nice to see you again."

"Carter" Susan yelled.

"What" he turned around, pretty alarmed. Susan was jogging towards him, her cheeks pinkish and her hair all messed up. "Woah, Susan, you're a mess" he joked.

"You don't have to tell me" she shook her head. "You don't know the THINGS I did to come talk to you" Susan seemed impatient.

"Talk to me about what" Carter asked. Susan winked. "Oh, that..." Carter smiled. "Yes."

"YES" Susan squealed and jumped in the air. "Are you serious" she asked him.

"Yah" Carter nodded. "We're together again." Susan jumped again and hugged him.

"It was about time! And you just don't imagine how much she needed you. She won't admit it, but she really needs you, now more than ever" Susan said, not able to keep a straight face while saying this.

"Well, thanks for your support and... Enthusiasm" Carter smiled.

"You'll make it this time! You will, I have a feeling"

Abby walked out of the building and sighed. She was feeling much better after talking to her doctor. The woman was really friendly, and Abby trusted her, a lot. She really knew how to do her job. It was difficult for her to admit it, but it felt good to receive other people's help. She felt supported and secure, especially by her friends at County.

She was quite tired, but still she couldn't stand not being around Carter, so she decided to visit him at work. She had the day off.

_I'll break you_

_I'll chase you_

_You'll find that you can't stand to be away_

_not for a day_

_And when life defies you_

_I'll be the soul you'll never go astray_

_And you'll be mine, mine, mine, mine_

She found herself standing outside County in less than ten minutes. She walked in, searching for Carter with her eyes. Finally, she saw him, leaning over the admit desk talking to Luka, laughing their heads off. She smiled and approached them.

"Hey there..." she said, wrapping her arms around Carter's waist, standing next to him.

"Am I missing something" Luka stared at them in awe.

"What do you think, Carter" Abby asked. He leaned in and kissed her. "Is he missing something" she smiled. Carter chuckled and smiled too.

"Oh, God! This is news, when did you two get back together" Luka asked.

"Just last night" Carter answered. Kovac gave him a sly smile. "Luka, get your mind out of the gutter" Carter told him, laughing.

"Well, congratulations..." Luka shook hands with Carter and smiled at Abby. "Now if you excuse me" he waved the chart in his hand and left.

"Abby, are you home" Carter asked, knocking on the door of her apartment for the third time.

"Yeah, come in, it's unlocked" she yelled from inside. Carter walked in and saw her in the kitchen, making some coffee. He walked over and wrapped his arms around her waist. Abby turned her head and kissed him hello.

"Do you have any plans for tonight" Carter asked.

"Not really, do you..." All of a sudden, Carter picked Abby up and carried her to the room, while she giggled uncontrollaby, trying to free herself without success. Carter closed the door with his foot and smiled seductively.

"So..."

_Lie with me, loose reality_

_I'm falling deeper everyday_

_When the night turns over_

_I'll lie with you_

_When the morning wakes you_

_I'm there by you_

_When the daylight takes you_

_I'll miss you_

_'Til you come back home to me_

_And I can make you mine, oh mine ... oh mine ... ohoh mine_

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Keep reviewing!


	15. Like Chocolate For The Soul

**Disclaimers: **The usual

**Note: **Thanks to **OliviaCarbyFan**, **BobbyBoots**, **AnnaSun**, and **Carter+AbbyCarby** for their reviews! **I-Got-Used**, thanks for your review too, and you'll see elipses in this chapter and prolly some more soon enough. Mine are the fancy thingies lol.

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Part 15**

Abby woke up early in the morning. She rolled onto her side and saw Carter with his back to her. She didn't know if he was awake or not, but she didn't think so. She watched him breathe, and softly ran a hand through his soft hair.

"Stop staring at me, Abby" Carter groggily said. "I know you are" he added, after a minute of silence. Abby sunk her head into the pillow and giggled a bit.

"Sorry" she whispered. Then she continued to laugh. Carter rolled over and smiled at her.

"Morning" he kissed her softly. Abby smirked and looked at him with innocent eyes.

"Did I wake you up" Abby asked. Carter grinned and kissed her again.

"Yeah. I don't know if I can forgive you" he said, suddenly turning serious.

"What if I make up for it later" Abby said with a seductive smile, raising her eyebrows and putting her arms around his neck.

"Oh... That sounds good..." Carter retorted, pulling her closer to him and kissing her passionately. All of a sudden the phone rang.

"Damn it" Abby groaned, pulling away. "Are we gonna answer that" she asked Carter. He shrugged. "I should."

"You should, yeah" he agreed.

"Hello" Abby picked up the phone. "Ah, Kerry. Yeah. What? Oh... Well, yes I'll call Carter and let him know. Okay. I'll be there as soon as possible" Abby said and hung up.

"What's going on" Carter asked, dissapointed.

"They're down two nurses and a doctor. We have to get there as soon as we can" Abby announced with a slight moan.

"Damn..." Carter shook his head. "Okay. Let's at least have a shower" he suggested.

"Yeah, okay..." Abby answered. "Hey! No, it's just a shower, we have to get there" she giggled when she saw Carter's content expression. Again he looked disappointed.

"Please" Carter whimpered.

"I can't believe you're begging me" Abby laughed. "No, sorry honey. Later."

"Ahhh alright..." Carter said, giving in. "Okay get in and I'll follow you." Abby walked to the bathroom and started stripping.

"Carter, get your ass here! We're gonna be late if we don't do this now" Abby yelled. Carter came in quickly.

"Guess what honey" he said with a big grin.

"What" Abby rolled her eyes.

"Well... It snowed all night and the streets in the neighborhood are covered with at least six feet of snow" he made a little dance. Abby burst out laughing.

"What" she caught her breath and let all the air out slowly. "Okay. Come again. What do you mean by that" Abby asked.

"This, means that my jeep is covered in snow, and the streets too. So we can't get out of here" Carter smiled widely.

"What if Weaver makes us walk" Abby asked a second time.

"With this weather? She will have us both on gurneys and it'll be worse" Carter said. "I'll call and let her know anyway, then I'll come and see you" he winked. Abby smiled and slid her tank top over her arms as Carter walked out.

"Hey Carter"

"What" he popped his head in.

"You better come" Abby said with a sultry tone.

"I wouldn't miss it... Not in a million years" Carter said, walking to the phone.

Abby was already getting impatient; it had been more than five minutes since Carter had gone to call Kerry. Tired of waiting, she let her towel fall and got into the shower, the water already running. Just as she got in, she felt a hand on her waist and shivered.

"You weren't gonna wait for me" his deep voice said, barely above a whisper.

"You were taking too long" Abby provoked.

"Am I late" Carter asked her, wrapping his arms around her and kissing her neck.

"It depends" she said, turning to face him.

"On what"

"On the kiss..."

"What k... Oh, I understand" Carter said, leaning in and kissing her full on the mouth, at first softly, then more passionately until they both felt the urge to break for air.

"Breathtaking, Dr. Carter. Seems like your ticket is legitimate" Abby smiled.

Carter smiled at her and leaned over again, temperatures rising.

Carter and Abby were sitting on the couch, all cuddled up. Abby rested her head on his chest, silently watching him. Then she closed her eyes.

"So this is what you do on snowy days" Abby asked jokingly.

"It depends..."

"On what"

"On the girl I bring home" Carter said, knowing that Abby would freak out.

"On the WHAT" she jumped, staring at him, her eyes opened wide.

"I was kidding, honey. It's either you or nothing" Carter said, kissing her softly.

"You're so sweet" Abby said, kissing him back and settling down again. She slid onto his lap and laid against him, as he ran his hands through her damp hair.

"Thank you" he answered. "Hey, let me out a sec, I'll go look for some music. Anything you like a lot" Carter questioned.

"Um... REM. My CD is in the room, on top of my night table. Just got it yesterday" Abby retorted.

"Okay." Abby sat up as Carter walked to her room and came back with the CD, placing it inside the CD player. "Abby" he called, as he saw she wasn't there.

"Hot coco" she asked from the kitchen.

"Sure" Carter answered, sitting down. A while later, Abby came back with two mugs of hot chocolate. She handed one to Carter and sat next to him, her head on his shoulder.

"I love this song..." Abby whispered. Carter gave her a quick peck on the cheek and laid his head over hers, staring into space, as happy as he could be.

_When your day is long and the night  
The night is yours alone  
When you're sure you've had enough of this life  
Well hang on  
Don't let yourself go, 'cause everybody cries  
and everybody hurts, sometimes ..._

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Feedback welcome! ;)


	16. Where There's Snow

**Disclaimers: **The usual

**Note: **Thanks **Bobbyboots** and **carbytothecore** for your reviews... Now I know why I didn't "have" elipses... They didn't show up cos the site doesn't admit those... Ugh now I'm gonna have to make elipses ugly! Okay elipses: oOoOoOo I personally think this is one of my best chapters when it comes to staying on character, so enjoy!

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**Part 16**

"Abby... Abby honey wake up..." Carter whispered in her ear, stroking her hair lovingly. Abby opened her eyes and groaned softly, she didn't want to get up.

"Noo..." she moaned. Then she giggled. Carter kissed her and put his arms around her, pulling her closer so that her head was lying on his lap.

"Hey... You know what?" Carter asked Abby, slowly caressing her cheek with his thumb.

"What?" Abby asked with a sigh, her eyes closed.

"It's snowing again" he smiled.

"Aw, do your little dance" she pleaded. Carter chuckled.

"Nah, I'll dance for you later, we have plenty of time. It's 12:30, wanna order some chinese or something?" Carter suggested.

"How is the delivery guy s'posed to get here?" Abby asked. She sat up next to him and waited for a response.

"Honestly, I don't know. But he's on duty" he said.

"Yeah, poor guy... He'll feel miserable when we call..."

"No, he'll feel miserable when I order everything I have in mind" Carter cracked.

"Are you THAT hungry?" Abby asked him, frowning.

"Actually, yes. I woke up at 11 o'clock when your alarm clock went off and that lousy loud music started playing" he ranted.

"Really? What did you do since then?" she questioned. Carter just looked at her for a while, then he shook his head and smiled.

"You don't want to know" he whispered.

"Come on, it can't be that bad..." Abby insisted. Carter kept shaking his head. "Come on, tell me." He raised his eyebrows and shook his head a last time. "Okay. Your loss. Believe me, you'll regret not telling me!"

"Ah alright" Carter gave in. He blushed a little. "I was just watching you sleep..."

"Ha!" Abby laughed. "For one hour and a half? You're a hypocrite" she joked. "You told me not to stare at you, but you did that for over an hour?" she started laughing.

"I told you..." Carter looked away.

"Oh my God! that's so pathe-" Abby was in the middle of her sentence when Carter turned around fast and caught her mouth in his, kissing her passionately. He'd caught her off-guard, but still Abby returned the kiss with gratefulness.

"So" Carter said when he pulled away for air. He looked right into her eyes. "Are we gonna call that delivery guy or what?"

"Oh sure thing. If we're gonna do this..." Abby said, pointing at Carter and then at herself, still trying to catch her breath. "... I'll definitely need to eat something to keep me going" she laughed.

"Agreed" Carter retorted. He kissed her quickly and grabbed the phone.

oOoOoOoOo

SUSAN'S POV

I called Abby's house today at noon but nobody picked up. Maybe she was asleep... Who knows. However, I need to give her the news, so right now I'm walking to her house.

The streets are full of snow, I don't think I've ever seen so much snow in my whole life. But it's definitely much better than my former house at the Land of Sun. I can still remember... Oh my God! The heat over there was just annoying! So yeah, I kinda enjoy taking a walk in the cold once in a while.

I'm wearing this huge coat. And boy is it heavy! It doesn't look like it, but it is. It's really nice though, so I still wear it even after all the "heavy" times it's given me. Wow, now I'm really rambling. I'm doing it again! Okay, let's get back on track.

I see Abby's apartment over there! YAY, I'm finally here... Wow that was a long journey!

As I was saying, I've been living with my ex-husband Chuck for some time already. We're together, but not together... I don't know, it's hard to understand. I'm quite happy, yes, but I don't know if we should get married. Now the news I got today are making it even harder... The thing is I...

"Hey Abby!" I squeal as she opens the door for me.

"Susan!" she greets me with a little squeak, just as usual. "Come on in" she says. Her hair is a bit messy, and her clothes are wrinkled.

"You look like you just got up" I tell her. She smiles as she closes the door.

"As a matter of fact, I did" Abby says. As we keep walking towards the kitchen, I see Carter getting out of the bathroom.

"Hey Carter" I say. He smiles, quite surprised that I'm here, but still he says hello.

"Hey Susan, what's up?"

"Not much. So, you guys... Is this what everyone's supposed to do on snowy days?" I joke, giving Abby the evil eye.

"Ah, well..." Carter seems disturbed. Abby smirks as she realizes how hard he finds it to answer the question.

"I was kidding, Carter" I tell him. He relaxes his face and seems to be much more comfortable now. Abby and I laugh.

"What?" he asks.

"Nothing. So, Susan, how did you get here?" Abby asks me.

"I walked."

"Wow. There must be something really important to say then" Carter says, and sits down at the table opposite to me. Damn, he knows me too well.

"Okay, yes. Abby, come, sit down." Abby does as I tell her. "Well, Carter, I was expecting to tell you this later, but I guess it's okay if you two know first than any other person." Carter and Abby smile at me, then at each other.

"Thanks" Abby says. I wave my hand dismissively.

"Look, Carter, Abby, you know that Chuck and I are not married. We're just living together, you know?" They nod. "Well, let's just say that our relationship is intimate enough and..." I stop talking. I don't know how to continue.

"Susan?" Abby asks. I know she sees it coming, so I just blurt it out at once.

"Guys, I'm pregnant."


End file.
